KILL THE THRILL : THE NARCISSE SOFT-COUP
Wham! — Last Christmas (Official Video) Christmas song 2023
Hey, this is fiction, a narrative about Narcisse faux friends. Beware!
When social media is your prison
As incredible as it seems, you can be a willing prisoner of the Narcisse and the prison is …social media. Narcisse is softly killing you with social media. The Narcisse wants to keep you in his close circle but he is in no hurry to meet you in real life. Distant relationships accentuate the problem since meeting means travels have to be organized. Your virtual presence brings him the comfort of your love and unbreakable support. Each time you want to escape, he becomes mad and fills your social media threads with unwanted comments. Of course you will take him back after days of seing his face pop up on your phone notifications. But your frustration is growing facing an avoidance you have no clue to interpret : what is going on, why someone who signs Love XXX and does not want to leave you is reluctant to meet you?
When we met it was instant attraction in spite of living in two different countries and all the difficulties due to travel ban. But after 3 years it is time to decide. Month after month I found myself condemned to a toxic virtual life with none of the pleasures that can be found only in real life, where you touch, hear, feel. But the reason I suspect was still his fear. Fear we might love to be together again. No meeting in case we enjoy hugs and have fun again. Strip this relationship of all desire and feeling and touching, signing Love XXX for months but NO MEETING please.
Mission impossible
Staying close while apart for one year was a mission impossible. How did I accept it so long? How was I so « forgiving »? Because I had my own conviction that we had the proof we could be happy together, I have the certitude that we can have a wonderful life aging together. My part, I thought, was to keep the thrill, sending creative messages, keeping our sense of humour, exchange views on politics. Many times I tried to pull away and he would inevitably chase me and enjoy it. He played his part being charming and writing with style about his daily life. But his strategy was opposed to mine : he was determined to kill the thrill. He was satisfied with us becoming slowly « text buddies ».
That’s when came my revolt and a clear statement to him« Staying friends without meeting is extravagant, do not even try. » As French woman I was trained to find ways to maintain attraction and I was ready for bolder sex and sleepless nights. But…no meeting? I do not want to see an intense relationship become an insignificant email sharing.
Separation does not seem to affect him as it affects most people.The separation with his ex-wife should have been a red flag for me. He left her for a job abroad on another continent, two times for three years. I just begin to realize I was a prisoner one year from December 2022 to December 2023. Time for me to re-think the relationship.
Texting is not living
The reason of this crazy separation : a big problem with one of his houses, he had to concentrate with banks, insurance companies. When do we meet ? After his problems are solved. From time to time he would send me a link to a cottage we could be sharing or he would be in his kitchen shaking a bottle of wine as an invitation. Why would he let me leave a number of clothes and belongings in his house if he did not want me to come back?
After one year of hot and cold moods and a number of offers from his part to share a place, how could he possibly maintain not making up his mind? How could he possibly go on posting comments on my X thread and refuse to see me? Yes, at the beginning he was shy, nervous, afraid and most of all not ready to commit — but now, we needed each other so much. He felt trapped, I felt trapped in the dead angle of texting and social media.
Now it is Christmas again and I texted him « In a normal life you would let a spontaneous move come from you heart, thinking of the joy you can bring me, thinking of me packing with shining dresses and gifts for everybody. The natural Christian move is to have me with you for Christmas, to give me some British Christmas warmth would be so natural for any empathic soul. But were we ever in a normal life ? The answer is no of course, texting is not living.
Loving but not meeting, the dead angle of texting and dating apps
For a Narcisse it can be an ego boost or playing games. After some research done I found out that the « not meeting» is the dead angle of dating apps, and « When a Guy Avoids Meeting You: A Red Flag in Online Dating », and that there are « 20 Possible Reasons Why a Guy Avoids Meeting You in Person ». “We sometimes become blind to red flags that are easier to ignore than when dating in real life.” writes Kelsey Willows in her dating advice.
Question : We text everyday, yet, when I ask him to meet up he always flakes, or when he says he wants to do something, it never happens. What can I do?Answer “Dump him, never waste your time on a guy that doesn’t know what he wants and is hot and cold, sweetie. He’s just thirsty for your attention but, won’t come through. He’ll string you along, never allow a guy to make you an option when you should be priority.
Easier said than done. Oh my God, could it be me that my extraordinaire relationship was just a common banal trap of social media ? I had to read again my notes about Narcisses to realize I was in danger again. I thought I was brave enough to endure the permanent emotional rollercoaster but it was killing me slowly. I was facing a severe depression. My doctor ordered a brain MRI and her comments about my loss of memory and brain fog was that stress is multiplying damages and I should stop immediately to allow stress in my life. « When you are happy, you don’t have all these symptoms ?» I had to confess happiness was my therapy.
When a Narcisse wants to stay in your life without meeting you, RUN, escape! “En amour la seule victoire c’est la fuite” said Napoléon.
