How to find Love
With a little help from Matthew Hussey
People want to find love
«It has been three years and the relationship does not go anywhere, what should I do? » «It has been 3 days he has not texted me, what happened? ». After 17 years of coaching Matthew Hussey can answer in a subtle way to all questions from women concerning love and dating. People want to find love. But dating apps traps are legion. Matthew has an answer for every case wether people want « to heal from the past, overcome a toxic or traumatic relationship, develop much deeper confidence ». The Love Life is a book, and a tool with a coach, courses, and a community. On October 22 Matthew offered a gift to his followers with an online rendez-vous « From Casual To Committed
Break free
At 8 PM « the room is officially OPEN! » And I join the crowd of followers sending love and hello and emojis from all over the world. Poland, Rome, Estonia, Dubai, Bulgaria, Toronto Texas, Alaska, Pakistan,Taiwan, New York, Slovakia, Japan Switzerland. « This is your opportunity to finally break free from the endless cycle of casual dating and step confidently into a committed, loving relationship. The kind where you feel seen, cherished, and fully valued. »
This was exactly right for me. Sharing love with someone for 4 years, though I felt « fully valued », I was stuck in a« situationship ». Our relationship was never casual, rather a rollacoaster story. He lives in UK, I live in France, and we met during Covid times. We had to go through all the horrid rules separating binational couples. Each time we met we both had the feeling we had a great time. You cannot cheat with loving sex and laughing and finding so many common points that it’s almost scary. While I was away in France my fiancé was pouring love letters and promises but not taking any action. When will he put a name on our relationship? His silence was the convenient answer. I found him an excuse : he was British, an eccentric character claiming to be a free soul. He cherished his three cars more than any woman in his life. I forgave all his maniac habits. I was not even aware that all that time I was following his agenda not mine. He would not care for vidéo calls so I stopped. The few times I called he was always happy and enjoyed seeing each other. After two years I made it clear that we should now live together. But he was not ready for an ultimatum. « Je ne sais pas » was his favorite motto.
Infernal cycle
I am not naïve. I once wrote a novel about a woman seducing a rich man. I published a number of articles about narcissistic men and emotional abusers. But many smart women — and men too- can be caught in the infernal cycle of hot and cold games, getting lost in their partner’s changing moods, not knowing where all this is going. Thanks to Matthew Hussey I checked my mistakes. You have to know if someone is willing to commit. Not just throw yourself where your heart leads you, but « Trying to figure out if the person you’re seeing is even capable of committing. »
“Wonder how you can attract someone who takes you seriously and doesn’t string you along. » Well at that stage I had lost faith and though I still got « I miss you » emails every two days, I could not understand why a simple trip from UK to France or France to UK seemed mentally impossible for my man. Though we visited laces to live in UK or shared photos of manors and castles for sale in France, nothing was decided. Meanwhile I was dying for a beer in a pub with him. But each time his excellent reasons telling me to wait convinced me. I search what I could find about a man not wanting to commit. « Gamophobia — a fear of commitment or fear of marriage — can keep you from enjoying meaningful relationship. » That was exactly the point,I could see months of happiness go by. « « You’ll never get happy with someone who does not meet your needs » says the coach
He kept up separated, but still wanted to be in my life, acting like a stalker, comments on my Facebook page and following me on every social media. I realized I was feeling much better when I decided to block him from my social media. Not having any news at all from him seemed a more reasonable option than to go on facing « je ne sais pas » But these men are incredibly clever, they master the art of manipulation and my man more than anybody else, he would soon catch me back with a variety of enthusiastic perspectives and links to wonderful homes made for us.
I was his hostage
What I discovered in October 2024 struck me, killed me, knocked me down. The awful truth was suddenly obvious : I was a prisoner, I was his hostage. I had been waiting for us to meet for almost two years. I could not believe it. I was miserable alone in my country house, missing sleeping together, missing tea with him every morning, an unhappy life. And he was unhappy too, he wrote « I miss you » as soon as I left. I know you are alive not far away, that I could see you in a few hours. But he decided to keep me waiting. The opposite of commitment. « Commitment is about decisions, love is about decisions». At first I did not blame him, I was the one to blame, unable to see the « red flags ». His « Je ne sais pas » killed me.It possibly killed him too, two years of happiness, lost. When I blocked him, which is the recommandation for this type of situation, he always managed to keep his hostage not too far away. My “lover” maintained a fiction, a love story where lovers never meet.
My only strength is that I kept my independence, traveled, went to events, made new friends. My self-estime was intact, but what a waste of time. Was I with the wrong man and why stay in this relationship? I had to stop the process.
Love Life Tools : « Love is decisions »
«Relationship intelligence »was number 3 recommandation. Let’s not waste our time, we should be able to handle the relationship. « The relationship should be enjoyable » says Matthiew Hussey « it’s about finding a rythm with someone. Another « tip » I found useful to handle a relationship is « Lower the stakes ». Here I was, the French pasionaria dating a cold-blood British. Time to stop consider meeting as a matter of life and death. I survived. The reasons of denying happiness are multiple and among them the fear of missing another option. Dating apps offer endless choices. Just the opposite of that immense plenitude that you can feel when you have the certitude to have met The One. Honesty, clear communication, truth, trust, attention, fun and joy should be the basics on which you can build.
I still don’t know if I want to get him to commit or if I should look for the right man. Reset. That’s when Love Life tools may help.
Janique Laudouar
Tools : https://matthewhussey.com/
Join the Love Life Club https://matthewhussey.com/oct24-llc/
AI App https://ai.matthewhussey.com/ Artificial intelligence app
